I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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