i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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