I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I will pee on everything he values.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
