worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
