I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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