No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
