by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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