using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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