I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
