He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
