toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize