theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
