no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
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According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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