fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize