By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
