I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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