i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
