I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
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he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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