Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
