I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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