Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
