I puked a lego.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
