We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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