I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize