this beer tastes like vomit already
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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