Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
