sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I deserve this hangover.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
