I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize