i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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