idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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