From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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