6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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