He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
