Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
