Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
