Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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