The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I love having hate sex.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
