Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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