After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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