Your face is a jimmy john
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
