They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
