definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I love you.
Bad choice
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
