Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
there is puke in my bra ... again
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
