I need help removing her.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize