i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
