is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
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her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
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Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen