I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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