you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life