More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend