...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
