woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
