just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
