you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
