the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
