woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
