I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
