Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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