You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
