i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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