She's JV to your varsity
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
