my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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