After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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