i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
