I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
