At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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