I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
