Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
