i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
where are my eyebrows?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
