Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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