Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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