Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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