I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
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Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
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