k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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