you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
