Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
