i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
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please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
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I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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